My Unexpected Journey: While I'm Waiting

I have been learning a lot the past few days and I want to share with all of you what God is doing in my life.

The title of this post is a song that I've been listening to the past few days and it really explains my heart and what my prayer has been.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080

(Just click the youtube site above and the song should come up).

I had first heard this song while watching the movie 'Fireproof' a few months back. And I loved the lyrics to the song. At that point in my life, I didn't know when I would be able to come back to Thailand or Cambodia and see the Asia's Hope kids again. I was trying to trust in God's timing and not get discouraged about what the future held. Thanks be to God that I am here this

summer! I'm thankful to have supportive parents to allow me to just jump on a plane and come back over to SE Asia for 4 months!

As some of you know, my plans in Thailand have changed over the course of a few days. The Thai government has changed many laws that have made it more difficult for foreign people to volunteer while staying in Thailand. I need a Non-Immigrant Working Visa in order to teach English at the orphanage or at the Christian School like I did last summer. It will take about 2 months to get the Visa, so it's not feasible to attain one during this trip. That's why I am living in an apartment in Chiang Mai and not the orphanage.... because the Thai government could accuse me of working there. Dr. John and Bobbi Campbell have been hard at work trying to talk to the

Thailand orphanage director, Tutu, to figure out how I can serve here. Friday-Sunday, I will be able to play with the kids while their not at school. I could be the "big sister" figure and help with homework when needed. I'm going to teach the older girls some worship dances to a few praise songs. I am very excited for that.. I grew up dancing ballet for 12 years. I was introduced to worship dance a few years back at my church camp and I loved it. When I dance, it's a way that I can express myself in which words cannot. Besides learning worship dance at camp, I've only ever done worship dance in private.. just me and God. So this will be interesting to teach the girls to dance in front of the orphanage. I'll also assist Ashley with cooking class with the older girls on Saturday. As of now, I have nothing going on Monday- Thursday. I am waiting to see what I'm able to do during that time. I'm learning to

wait once again, but in a different way. I have prayed so much for it to be God's will for me to be here and waited for Him to re-open doors, and now that I am here in Thailand, all my plans have changed and I'm waiting once again. Like all my friends tell me, It wouldn't be my life if it wasn't random!

I have lots of time to pray, journal, think, and just rest in God's promises to me. I am trying to learn more of who God is and fall more in love with Jesus through this time. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm just in an extended version of church camp. I'm away from all the wordly "crap" so to speak. I'm away from my friends and my family, I cannot rely on my gifts and talents, I can't just pick up a few extra shifts at The Barn to keep me busy, I can't go to my church and

help out there. I don't have the freedom to drive around and go visit friends. I have been stripped of everything that I've seen as my comfort zone.

The more I'm learning in the "waiting phase", the more I realize that other people I know are going through the same thing. Some of my dearest friends just graduated college and are awaiting to hear about jobs they've applied for, another friend is trusting in God and waiting while he goes through a personal battle, a relative is awaiting to hear about thier job situation and is at home until it's figured out, another friend is waiting for that proposal so she can plan the next steps of her life with the man that she loves. In a way, we're all waiting in some fashion or another. Whether it's about jobs, finances, for God to answer prayers, waiting on finding that "one" person to share your life with, waiting on future plans, waiting to move away from home, waiting for a baby to come, waiting on people to grow up... there are many different things we

wait on.

So we have a choice while we wait:

a. We can be lazy and get discourged and doubt that God knows what He's doing.

b. We can rest in God, learn how faithful He is, learn who He is, and praise Him through it all.

Those are two very different contrasts. I will be the 1st to admit that I struggle with laziness. Ever since my surgery, I've had a very very hard time regaining strength and a passion for things in life. There are many a days that I chose to be selfish and not help my family out, not go to class, and just sit and do my own thing. I didn't do the things I should have and I allowed my

laziness to overtake me. So the 1st option has to deal with selfishness and putting ourselves first before anything else... trying to keep the control of our own lives. But is that what God asks of us? Nope. And I struggle with that daily. The second option causes us to die to ourselves and do everything opposite of what comes "natural" to us. God desires to work in us and wants desperately for us to spend time with Him. When we put Him first, our doubts melt away. When we put our focus on who He is, and what all He did for us, we will find peace through the storms of life.

Why is it that we will sometimes instantly trust the media or what the news says without questioning it's validity, but we have a God who is a God of promises, says that He will never leave us, He will never forsake us and we will struggle with trusting Him? I need to ask myself that question often. When we humble ourselves and realize that we can't do everything on our

own, the Lord will surround us with His love and reveal things to us that we ourselves couldn't see before. Nothing surprises God. He knew what we would struggle with and knows what will happen tomorrow. I'm so glad that we can just give our fears, worries, failures, mistakes, joys, sorrows, excitement, sadness... everything over to Him. If we're willing to give up what we want in life and see what God wants for us (Psalm 37:4) , we will be blessed in more ways than we ever could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

This is just a tiny sliver of what I've been learning and I feel like I could start writing a book if I type much more. I am not trying to preach to anyone by any means, I am just sharing what I've learned and what I need to work on in my own life.

Be encouraged my dear friends. We have a God who loves us and wants us to come to him just the way we are, baggage and all.

Please pray that I will keep learning more through this time about Jesus's love for us, what I need to work on in my life, that I will keep learning about the culture around me, and the language. I pray that I will not take control of my life but I will keep laying all of it down at His feet. This may be a minute by minute struggle for me at times. I pray that I will continue to be a light to the people around me and the people I meet.